Friday, January 04, 2013

(Warning) Explicit Language

Conor learned a new word over the break, and I swear, it wasn't from me. I know you have reason to doubt me since I've taught my typical kid a novel word or two in the past, but I swear, it wasn't me.


No, no, I'm serious, that's the word, he's learned the f-bomb. And I swear, Mom, it wasn't from me. Honest, cross my heart.

Conor gets an allowance each week and he lives to shop. Years ago, he discovered you can find anything and everything you want on So when he's got a hankerin' for a new coffee mug (he's obsessed with coffee mugs), he cruises on My kid's got that search function down cold, let me tell you.

Me, I'm comfortably snuggled down into Conor's big belly a few weeks ago, blissfully unaware of what he's searching for as he messes around on his iPad. I mean, how many clocks, calculators and 9-globe bronze chandeliers does one mom have to look at? We're cuddling on the couch--me watching tv and him content with his iPad, happy and quiet.

Quiet?  Hmmmm, too quiet. I glance over at the screen beyond his belly, and I see it.  The mug.

"Um, Conor, you're not getting that so go ahead and move on to another thing," I say a little too quickly. I sit up.

Bad move. I've called attention to the mug. Now he knows that it's something he's not supposed to see. Dammit.

"What does fuck mean?" he asks me.

Oh shit Now I've done it. I mumble something about inappropriate language (a hot topic for him recently, but not because of curse words) and hope he'll forget it.

You know, I have no problem with curse words. Eight years of Catholic school left me with a fear of kelly green, a loathing of anything plaid, and a vocabulary of curse words that a trucker would envy. With my typical kid, I simply tell him what the word means, that it offends some people, and that he shouldn't say it around adults. (To be honest, Aidan's a bit of a goody-goody about it. It's annoying.)

With Conor, I don't quite know what to do. He doesn't know what it means, I don't want to explain it to him (I'm avoiding the sex topic forever for now), and I don't want him yelling it during one of his public tantrums.

Problem is, he thinks it is hilarious.  It goes like this--(giggle giggle) What the fuck? (giggle guffaw snort) What the fuck? (uproarious laughter) What the fuck? (peals of laughter).

And my current strategy of yelling "just shut the fuck up!" at him doesn't seem to be working.

I kid you, I kid.  I try to redirect him, but it's tough. Of course, on the Amtrak train to visit my husband's family over the holidays, I emailed his behaviorist to let her know of his most recent vocabulary word. She said to ignore it.

Hmmmmm, I thought to myself.  I'll be sure to tell my 81 year-old Irish Catholic mother-in-law that behavioral technique when he says it in front of her. Sigh.



Anonymous said...

Oh for fuck's sake. I'll bet they won't be ignoring it at school, right? It's funny, because my Connor just asked me if FOK, is a bad word. He even spelled it out for me. I said no, but not to say it because it does sound like the bad word.

That's going to come back to bite me, I know it.

Good fuckin' luck, lady!

Alisa Rock said...

That's too funny, FOK. I swear, Conor was born to torment me, LOL. We have our IEP meeting on Monday so I'm sure it will be a topic of conversation. This can't be the first kid that's come into school saying it. At least he's not using it appropriately, I've got that going for me. (snort)