Sunday, December 02, 2012

Oh, More Coffee? Thanks!

My loving husband bought me a Keurig for my birthday, and Conor has totally, completely, unequivocably fallen in love with this wundermachine. My son now brings me cup after cup of coffee without even asking if I want one.

VoilĂ ! Here is your coffee, Mum! He programs the machine, knows exactly how much sugar to put into my cup, picks out a flavor, and he dutifully stirs it as he brings his little button nose down for a sniff.

This new habit? 

I'm going to be getting lots of writing done. 'Cause I'm going to be awake until next week, I've drank (drunk?) so much coffee. He keeps bringing me more coffee and more coffee and more coffee and more coffee. Which is totally cool. Totally cool. I'm drunk with coffee!

Would you look at that! 

Oh, that sweet thing, he's brought me a new cup just now without me even having to ask. No worries that it's five o'clock in the evening and I'm supposed to be going to bed in five hours and everyone knows you're not supposed to have coffee after 4:00pm, c'mon, please. The way I see it, this new habit is totally cool 'cause I'm going to get so much done around the house with all the extra not-sleeping time I'll have, and when I can't sleep at night I can totally go upstairs to my office and just write my little heart out.

Wait.  Did I already say that?

Maybe I can now write a book, or at least a column for the New York Times Sunday Magazine (not that they've asked), or I can write an article and submit it to Real Simple magazine (I'm totally addicted to that magazine and its vision of perfection) and I can 
dĂ©coupage all my Instagram pictures onto a picture frame for Conor's room and who wouldn't just love that?

Continuous coffee consumption (say that ten times fast) will allow me to lie awake at night for hours and hours and hours just imagining the little coffee bar/gallery/bakery/record shop that Conor's going to open when he's an adult and doesn't go to school anymore and can't find someone else to get him a job and we'll still be taking care of him ourselves, all by ourselves.  After all, he likes to bake, he likes to create, he likes coffee, he likes music--score!

So, really, I can only really think of a couple, no, a few downsides to this much continuous coffee consumption (say that ten times fast). Wait, did I already say that?

For example, these K cup things?  They put a hurtin' on your wallet akin to the laminating sheets that I'm required to buy because, well, I'm the Laminator!

Don't get me wrong, I was all for this miraculous piece of equipment that delivers the nectar of the gods within a few moments. (Did you think my husband thought of this wonderful birthday present all by himself?  Pfffft, silly.)

You're so silly.
But I was hoping this machine would actually help us save money because my husband is we're at the Starbucks on the corner all-the-live-long-day, if you catch my drift.

Second, the K cups are bad for the environment.  They take up space in the landfill and they're not easily recycled and global warming and all that jazz. So Conor's new little habit that we're feeding will create mounds and mounds and mounds of blech in a landfill.

Third...  hmmmm, there was a third, I know there was a third.  Oh!  Yeah, right, and third, we all know that I have, shall we say, a touch of anxiety that I medicate with a cocktail of bigpharma meds and, well, cocktails. I'm no doctor but I'm thinking that all this caffeine isn't going to make me feel more zen, if you know what I mean, I know you know what I mean, right, you know?

The way I figure it, all this extra coffee means that I'll just have to enjoy that much more Pinot Noir at night.  You know, to take the edge off. Of course, I could just start buying decaf, but really, where's the joy in that?

You know what I mean, right?

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